“Women who choose abortion are doing the absolute right thing for their life. It doesn’t mean there won’t be grief, sadness, and even moments of regret. We can acknowledge the emotion and hold space that she still made the right decision.“
This morning I’m contemplating the need for compassionate care and emotional healing for those who have chosen to terminate a pregnancy. This work is already being done in lots of forms. I wanted to share and serve from the perspective of Family Constellation work.
Because our body autonomy and right to reproductive choice is under such attack, we spend so much time defending our right to have an abortion, that taking time to acknowledge the emotional impact of having one often takes a back seat. We fear that the religious right and those who oppose abortion access will use these conversations as a way to bolster their argument that states that abortion harms women.
Well, I say fuck that.
We can stand in our choice to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason we need to AND embrace whatever emotional response we have to that decision. These two things are not mutually exclusive.
We do not need to choose.
As part of the group healing experience, I am creating called “Ending The Cycle of The Mother Wound,” I address the ways our mother wound affects our fertility.
Part of that conversation is addressing the impact of denying the need for compassionate acknowledgment of the emotional implications of choosing to terminate a pregnancy.
Women who choose abortion are doing the absolute right thing for their life. It doesn’t mean there won’t be grief, sadness, and even moments of regret. We can acknowledge the emotion and hold space that she still made the right decision.
I envision creating a space for women to do just that. To heal the part of them that was affected by their choice while still holding their space in honoring that choice.
From the framework of Family Constellations, it’s imperative to acknowledge the family system. Terminated pregnancies are part of the family system. It’s not at all about the argument over when life begins, but about the ways, a woman embraces herself, her choices, and her path as she chooses to mother.
There is a myriad of reasons women choose to terminate a pregnancy. And like there are many reasons, women also have many responses.
When a woman, for whatever reason, holds her choice with shame, or guilt, or unprocessed grief, it affects the way she can be emotionally present in future pregnancies and ultimately motherhood.
When a mother is not fully present, it can create an imbalance in the family system. This imbalance can be felt within the family soul and even affect the emotional health of her future children.
So, it’s not that the choice to terminate the pregnancy that caused these imbalances, it’s that she was not able to feel her emotions fully and process them in a way that honors her choice.
The goal is to support a woman in honoring her whole self and all of her choices so that she can be fully present when she chooses to become a mother. If we do not honor her emotions along with her choice, we aren’t adequately in service to her.