The words you use to describe your parents provides the framework to begin working with the root cause of your issue
Family Mapping is the tool I use to help connect the dots from the reason we are in a session to their origin. On its surface, its the intake process for any new client. But it’s so much more than that. It’s the delicate, specific questions that guide you to the root of your current issue.
It’s less the telling of your story, and more my attunement to the language you use to answer questions about your family.
In Family Mapping, we use The Core Language Approach.
The Core Language Approach gives us the clues and maps us back to your Core Trauma in the form of emotionally charged words and sentences.
It’s comprised of four components.
- Your Core Complaint
- Your Core Descriptors
- Your Core Sentence
- Your Core Trauma
Your Core Complaint – From your perspective, why are we here? I’m looking for words that have the most potent emotional resonance, unusual symptoms. The words that are the most dramatic and seem to have a life of their own.
The Core Descriptors – These are the words you use to describe your parents and family of origin.
- Tell me about mom. Was she warm and loving, or cold and critical?
- Or I may say, give me two words that describe your mom.
The words you use to describe your parents provides the framework to begin working with the root cause of your issue. As the conversation flows, we will move through the generations of your family tree. As Mark Wolynn wrote in It Didn’t Start With You, “Your Core complaint can contain the seeds of the resolution you seek.”
Your Core Sentence – This is the narrative that runs in the background of your life; it’s the sentence that deepens your despair, describes your worst fear, and causes a physical reaction when spoken.
- “I’m all alone.”
- “I’ll let my family down.”
- “I’ll lose control.”
- “It’ll never end.”
- ‘It’s all my fault.”
Your Core Sentence often leads to a traumatic event in your family. It targets the cause and not the symptoms, and it can provide incredible context as to why you feel the way you do.
Your Core Trauma – Using the prior three principles, we can generally identify your Core Trauma. Your Core Trauma is the root of what you are trying to resolve and the focus of your Family Constellation session.
As we talk through all of this, I’ll be creating a family genogram for you. A genogram is a family tree that gives us a perfect map of how and where your Core Trauma originated.
From there, I can usually place your Core Trauma into one of Four Themes.
- A Break In The Bond
- A Merge
- A Rejection
- An Identification
A Break in the Bond – From the moment of conception, we are wired for tuning into the way mom responds to us. When that relationship is affected in any way, so are we. The ways we can be affected live on a spectrum from minor to profoundly wounding. To find out more read, Do You Carry A Mother Wound?
A Merge – A Merge is evidenced by the ways we repeat the patterns of our parents. This can manifest in many ways. Merging is one way we show unconscious loyalty to our parents. It’s also the way we feel close to them. It often looks like taking on or merging with their pain.
A Rejection – A rejection is just that, a rejection of our parents. This one is delicate because sometimes you have to have physical separation from your parents to keep yourself safe. The beauty of this work is that it’s more about our inner relationship with our parents than the way our relationship manifests in person. You can keep your physical distance while reshaping your inner understanding of your family system, which ultimately leads to compassion for everyone.
When there is a rejection of one or both parents, you are ultimately rejecting a part of yourself. What you reject, usually finds its way to you in one form or another.
An Identification – An Identification happens when your Core Trauma originates with a member of your family, not your parents. When a family member is silenced, rejected, and removed from the family, it creates a whole in the family soul. In Bert Hellinger’s Orders Of Love, a fundamental principle is that no one can be excluded from our family soul. When someone is left out of family memories, they live in shameful stories deemed too painful to discuss. An Identification is that story searching for inclusion back into the family.
Throughout the mapping process, the key is for me to intuitively tune into your words and map your family’s entanglements. Some of these entanglements are loving and supportive, and others can be the root of the issues you are facing.
As I guide you through my questions, I’m listening for words that jump through as we lay the pieces together. It can almost feel like a dance as we ebb and flow between words and the place you carry those words in your body.
As gentle as the mapping process is, you may feel an influx of emotion as you recall memories or have powerful and life shifting ah-ha moments. When you do, I’ll gently guide you into your body so that whatever you are feeling can be felt and observed.
You can get a better understanding of how important your body awareness is during this process by reading the article Becoming Body Aware.
When the pieces of your map are staring up at you, begging to be seen and acknowledged, a powerful shift begins within you as you start to connect the dots.
You begin to see and, most importantly, feel your way through and out of the patterns you have long needed to connect.
From the framework of your Family Map, we can then move to the next phase in the healing process by bringing the way you hold your core trauma internally into an outer representation. This is called a Family Constellation.
My focus is on guiding emotionally conscious daughters as they connect the dots from their mother wound to issues in their relationships, career, finances, fertility, health, and parenting.
Ending The Cycle Of Your Mother Wound is mostly Break In The Bond work, and it can profoundly shift the framework from which you approach life.
If this process interests you, I would love to talk to you. Book a consultation below.
I was trained in Family Mapping and Constellations by Johanna Lynn, who trained with Mark Wolynn, who was trained by Bert Hellinger, the father of this work.