On, “The Whole Loving Yourself” First Debate

We learn to love from our mothers, and our attachment style and the way we were parented. That comes from the ways our parents were parented and their attachment style.

Learning how to love is generational.

Were you loved and affirmed? Shamed and shunned? Did you learn about our own emotional space, or were you responsible for a parent’s emotions? Did you learn how to make choices and speak our truth?

Those and so many more lessons carry over into every relationship you have.

If those lessons weren’t affirming, then you may show up in relationships with those wounds until you heal them.

It’s not that you have to love yourselves first. It’s that you need to heal our wounds. And that is 100% your responsibility.

Others can model it for you in themselves, even while in a relationship with them, but they can’t give it to you.

Of course, you can be in relationships while you heal. That too is part of the process. But the act of deep self-love is only your own to create and feel. And any attempt to get that met from an external source, won’t heal you.

In healing, you learn what love for self is. You learn how to soothe yourself, meet your own needs so that you don’t burden your partner with giving you what we need to give yourself.

And that becomes the emotional and relational baseline from which you show up.

That self-love informs the relationship.

I wrote about this in this blog about moms being our first love.

 

 

If this resonates with you, let’s talk about it. Book a free consultation with me below.

Choosing and Using Your First Deck of Tarot or Oracle Cards

“The cards are here to confirm the conversations you have already had with yourself“

 

If you are new to tarot or oracle cards, I thought it would be helpful if I shared my five favorite decks and some tips for how to complete your first readings.

Many professional readers have dedicated a lot of time to develop their intuition, learning the history and symbolism of their decks and the art of reading for others. These readers can provide invaluable insight, but the truth is that everyone can read for themselves.

My theory is that the cards are here to confirm the conversations you have already had with yourself. 

If you just picked up your first deck or you have had one sitting around for a while, here are a few tips to help you dive right in.

Cards inform you, they don’t create your reality. No card you pull will ever have more power over your life than you. You are in control of your thoughts, actions, and the outcome of your life.

Remember that you are always in control and no card or reading supersedes your own free will.

This reading can help uncover the past, present and future influences in a particular issue.

Don’t be scared of them. Cards are tools. The symbolism in them is just that, a metaphor up for interpretation. Even cards like the Death or the Tower card are simply symbols of change and transformation, not literal death or of everything falling apart.

Find a deck that you love. Fall in love with the images, the colors, the way you feel when you pull a card. Do you feel connected to them? Do they call out to you? If not, perhaps try another deck.

Find a deck that reflects you, your values, and principles. White men and patriarchy, not your thing? There are quite a few decks with People of Color, feminist, and queer-centered imagery. Seeing yourself in your cards is vital. My very first deck was a feminist centered deck with 3000 years of feminist imagery, and I loved it.

Create your own rules and rituals for your cards. Do you allow others to touch them? How do you cleanse them? (Smoke and sound cleansing is a great way) How do you store them? Everyone has different rituals and rules they follow, and no one way is right. Decide for yourself.

Use the book that comes with your cards. You are not less of an intuitive if you use the book to help connect with a card’s meaning. However, I will encourage you to first trust your intuition before looking up the meaning.

Don’t let your cards sit on the shelf staring at you for months. Get a deck, open it, and dive right in. They are invaluable tools for discovering all kinds of things in your life. Before you know it, you will be a pro at reading cards for yourself and using them as the insightful tools they are.

Ok, so how do you connect with your cards and read for yourself for the first time?

 

I am a fan of cleansing your cards before you use them — smoke cleansing using cleansing herbs like Mugwort, Juniper, Pine and Lavender are great. If smoke cleansing isn’t for you, sound clearing using a Woodstock Chime is also a great way to cleanse your deck.

Once you cleanse your deck, spend some time in meditation with your cards- holding them, sending your energy to them, visualizing reading your cards, and connecting to them. Your deck holds energy, so this is your first opportunity to share yours with it. The more you use your cards, the more of your energy they hold, the more you will feel connected to them.

 Shuffle and cut your deck until you feel it’s time to pull a card. There are lots of rules about how to shuffle and cut, but you can create your own rules and rituals for your deck. There is no right or wrong way. 

Have a specific question or situation to address. Concentrate on that question or situation for a couple of minutes and then pull a card or a spread of cards.

When you pull your card(s), lean on your intuition before you look at the book. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What is the first thing you feel when you look at the card?
  • Where do you feel that in your body
  • What is the first thing you see?
  • How does the symbolism resonate with you?
  • Does it bring up memories or images in your mind?
  • Does the card engage any other senses?
  • Do you hear a sound or remember a taste?
  • Next, look deeper at the card. What else do you notice?
  • How do the colors feel, is there a number on the card?
  • How do all of these answers fit together to address your question or situation?

Practice, practice, practice.

That is the only way you will feel confident and learn what the symbolism in your cards means to you and your style of reading.

Most of all, explore and have fun. There is no right or wrong way to read cards for yourself.

 

If you are looking for suggestions on a deck, here are my top five decks.

 

 

#5 The Fountain Tarot – I do not use this deck personally, but it is one of the best queer-centered and intentionally inclusive decks you can find. Those who use it, love it.

 

 

 

 

#4 The Psychic Tarot – I am a huge fan of John Holland Decks. They are beautiful, diverse, and very easy to use. This was my first Holland deck, and I still use it to this day. I highly recommended these cards.

 

 

 

 

 

#3 The Psychic Tarot for the Heart  – Another Holland deck that is completely heart-centered and great for emotional discovery. The images are stunning and diverse.

 

 

 

 

#2 Motherpeace – This was my very first deck. It is round and full of 3000 years of feminist symbolism. Its images are diverse, and there are so many rich companion books written for this deck. I highly recommend this deck as an alternative to Rider-Waite.

 

 

 

#1 The Spirit Messages Daily Guidance & Oracle Deck – This is my #1 favorite deck and the one I use the most. This is also the deck I use when I do readings for others. It’s full of direct, deeply meaningful messages that get right to the heart of any question.

 

 

No matter the deck you use, remember that you are the most valuable resource and it’s your intuition that brings the messages. Without your energy, your intuition, and your interpretation, cards are just cards.

I would love to hear about the deck you are using and how it has been meaningful for you.

Leave a comment below.

If you are interested in a reading from me, I would love to serve you. My readings are all centered around guiding you to a deeper connection with your intuition, to help you feel empowered with direction, choice, and a better sense of how all of the pieces fit together.

Feel free to book a live reading at the link below.

 

5 Common Myths About Hypnosis

“Hypnosis is a focused state of concentration. It’s a state of hyper-awareness that doesn’t override your common sense, morals, or your gut instincts“

 

Hypnosis has a provocative relationship with mass consciousness.

Movies portray hypnosis as a mechanism of mind control, misrepresent it as a way to bypass consent.  It’s widely been known more for its entertainment value rather than its therapeutic uses. And, to be funny, if one more person asks me if I will make them cluck like a chicken, I may pretend I can.

There are a lot of myths about hypnosis floating around out there.  To help set the record straight, I wanted to share the five most common myths that exist about hypnosis.

Myth #1 – When you are “in hypnosis”, you don’t have any control over what happens to you.

Truth – Hypnosis is a focused state of concentration. It’s a state of hyper-awareness that doesn’t override your common sense, morals, or your gut instincts.

There have been many studies on this topic.  Not one has shown that someone in a hypnotized state will act against their own best interest.

To show how common a state of hypnosis is, you may have quite possibly experienced a hypnotic state without realizing that is what was happening.  Daydreaming, meditating, driving, may all be times when you experienced a hypnotic state.

Have you ever zoned out while driving and before you know it, you’re at your destination? You have no conscious recall of the drive that got there. That was a form of hypnosis.

Your conscious mind was daydreaming, but your subconscious mind was in a state of hyper-focus and in complete control.  While your conscious mind was elsewhere, your subconscious mind got you where you needed to go.

Myth #2, You can be hypnotized without your consent.

Truth – All hypnosis is self-hypnosis.  Let me explain what that means. You do the work, and I am simply the guide to help you relax into that hyper-focused state of concentration.  You have to be willing to work with me to relax; you have to believe that you are safe. This all requires consent.

No one can hypnotize you without your consent.  There is no magic teacup and spoon that when tapped three times, sends you to the sunken place.  Hypnosis must be a fully consensual partnership, or else it’s a waste of time. It’s your subconscious; no one has access to it but you.  Even I, a hypnotist, don’t have access to any of your thoughts or your deepest, darkest secrets.

Many people ask me if I will make them cluck like a chicken or bark like a dog.  Some of that stuff does happen with stage hypnosis. But that’s entertainment, and even then, volunteering to participate in a stage hypnosis show is consent.

Myth #3 – The hypnotist can read your mind and will know all your secrets.

Truth – True story, someone once told me that they had to wait until they were out of the military to use hypnosis to help them gain control over anxiety and excessive thoughts.  They feared that their high-level military clearance would be compromised because I could “get into their brain.”

It’s your subconscious mind. Unless you tell me your secrets, I can’t know them. In hypnosis, in a trace, you won’t say or tell me anything that your subconscious truly wants to keep private.

Some of my clients have experienced deeply wounding and traumatic events in their life. Their goal in working with me is to stop responding to subconscious triggers that are preventing them from moving forward in their life.  I can help them do that without ever knowing the details of the underlined trauma. I don’t have to know their secrets.

Myth #4  Hypnosis leaves your mind open for dark energies, or demons or the devil to enter it.

Truth – I thought it best to answer this myth with scripture. At one point in my life (really a whole other life ago), I was studying to be an Evangelical Minister. I mention this to say that I do know my way around a bible.

1 Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour.

If hypnosis is a concentrated state of focus and a hyper-sense of awareness, then how much more watchful can you be?

Myth #5– Hypnosis is a cure-all.

Truth – It’s not.  It is a powerful tool for uprooting deeply held subconscious beliefs about yourself and life, but it is not the cure-all many hope it is. It’s not a magic wand or a mind excavation tool that can “take all the bad stuff out”.

Hypnosis is an adjunctive modality that pairs well with other holistic and even traditional mental health tools.

My favorite holistic trio is Family Trauma Mapping, Constellation Healing, and Hypnosis.  Family Mapping and Constellation Healing helps with healing the family soul from intergenerational entanglements and trauma. Hypnosis helps my clients work through the personal, subconscious patterns and emotional triggers created out of those intergenerational entanglements.

For many of my clients, I work in partnership with their therapists to help them work through difficult times or when they reach plateaus in their care plan.

It also takes more than one session.  Some clients will have one session, expect it to be a one and done magic wand, and it’s just not that.

It’s a process; healing is a process, that when stayed the course, helps you move forward in your life in empowering ways.

So there you have it, five common myths about hypnosis.

I hope you found this helpful and enlightening.

I would love to answer any questions you may have. If you are interested in speaking with me about Family Trauma Mapping, Constellation Healing or Hypnosis, feel free to book a no cost 10-minute discovery call with me.

 

Emotions Are Held In Your Body

Your body memory responds to people, places, things, stories, memories, and experiences through the perspective of your family entanglements.

You carry these entanglements and emotions more in your body than in your conscious memory.

Before your Hippocampus (the part of your brain that helps you store memory) comes fully online, your experiences are stored as body memory. This especially affects those who have experienced childhood trauma.

Emotions are normal and natural. They are meant to be felt, processed and metabolized in the moment they happen. However, when you experience trauma, the normal process of expressing emotion can be shut down, trapping your response and emotion inside your body.  It becomes body memory.

Left un-metabolized, it sits there, in your body, changing your epigenetic markers, the way you move through the world and your ability to live your most empowered life.

Helping you attune into your body is a big part of this work.  For some, this may be a foreign concept. For others a familiar norm. Either way, you will be guided every step of the way.

As we work our way through your Family Map, your body will start to respond. Emotions that have been stuck may begin to surface. Until now your response was probably to shut that emotion down, putting it back in the place it has sat for years. If the trauma is intergenerational, it has been sitting in your epigenetic expression, felt deeply by you but also unexplainable by you. Perhaps it showed up in patterns of self-sabotage or other life diminishing ways.

The goal is to acknowledge the emotion and make space for it to be felt, expressed, and then metabolized.  Our bodies are brilliant and know how to move emotions through it. However, most often we shut it down, afraid of the feeling or of becoming unraveled.  This work helps you learn how to trust your body and its ability to resolve what lays beneath the surface.

If you have not learned how to feel, express and move emotion out of your body, this process may, at first, feel foreign.  I’ll reassure you of your safety, move at the pace for which you consent, and guide you every step of the way.

If you have experienced trauma that has caused significant dissociation from your body, we move at your pace, in and out of exercises that support you as you reconnect and rebuild trust within your body.

Once you master this and see how powerful you are, this process becomes instinctual.  You will become a pro at understanding how you store emotions in your body and how to move them out.  This brings more confidence in other areas of your life as you release long-held emotions and family entanglements that have caused unhealthy patterns in your life, relationships, careers, etc.

Everyone is different, and so this process can look different for everyone.  Here is an example of how it may look while we are in session.

I ask a question that brings up an emotion connected to a memory.

You may start to express that emotion.

I may guide you to focus on your breath and find where that emotion is sitting in your body.

I’ll have redirected your attention from the emotion to where it sits in your body so that you can understand how it feels, where it lay, how and when it shifts.

You may realize that maybe for the first time you are in a safe place to sit with the emotion for a moment.

You relax into it and allow yourself to feel it in your body.

I may ask you where the emotion is sitting and to describe it to me.

I may guide you through a visualization, or we may sit in silence.

I may also guide you through additional breathing exercise so that the emotion starts to move.

When the feeling gets softer or subsidies, we move forward in the session.

At the end of our session, we talk about ways you can further metabolize that emotion by moving it out of your body.

Homework may include going for a walk and visualizing leaving the energy of the emotion in your footprints on the ground.

It can look like going for a run and visualizing the energy of the emotion leaving your body.

I can look like rocking back and forth allowing yourself to ugly cry for the first time, noticing that you may feel lighter as the tears flow and snot runs.

It can look like dancing or a challenging yoga class.

There are infinite ways you can metabolize the energy of emotion. Your body and your intuition is the best guide to follow.

Memories trigger emotion, emotions are energy, get the energy moving, and you have a new relationship with the memory.

Because I am also a Clinical Hypnotist, we may do some further releasing work to help your response to that memory no longer be attached to that emotion.

 

 

A word on dissociation and childhood trauma:

For those of us who experienced childhood trauma and abuse, dissociation is common. I share this out of my own experience.

Dissociation is sometimes the necessary  glue that keeps us moving forward.  It keeps our feelings locked away and allows us to build a life around the war within. We fear that if we let one emotion seep out, that an uncontrollable tsunami will wipe away the careful structure we have built to keep us together just enough to keep moving forward in life.

Our bodies play along. It keeps our secrets and holds our emotion.

Until it doesn’t.

We magnify our emotions by fearing them.  When they remain in us, stuck in our body, we imagine them more significant than the perfection of our body’s mechanisms to live, survive and thrive.

But the second we lean in, learn to trust our ability to process and move these emotions from stagnant to flowing,  we realize how perfect our internal systems are and how they work for us, not in spite of us.

Shifting your internal conversations from, “I can’t feel this or I’ll fall apart.” to “I was created with a perfect emotional regulatory system,”  takes you from surviving by disassociating to empowered healing.

If anything in this post resonated with you, book a consultation with me and let’s talk about it. 

 

Do Your One Thing, It Can Change the World

 

Some of us are the planners
Some of us are the organizers
Some of us are the visionaries
Some of us are the teachers
Some of us are the healers
Some of us are the thought leaders
Some of us are the soothers
Some of us are the encouragers
Some of us are the artists
Some of us are the awakeners
Some of us are the guiders
Some of us are the listeners
Some of us are the bridge builders
Some of us are the holders of righteousness anger
Some of us are the peacemakers
Some of us are the funders
Some of us are the lovers
Some of us are the stokers
Some of us are the fire
Some of us are the spirit
Some of us are the grounders
Some of us are the messengers
Some of us are the academics
Some of us are the learners
Some of us are the defiant ones
Some of us are the compliant ones
Some of us are the elegant ones and
Some of us are simply not
Some of us are the firm ones
Some of us are the sweet ones

All of us are warriors…

I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s important in the chaos of the world to find our own one thing and do that thing. Sometimes we will be one of these, sometimes we will be many of these. Sometimes at the same time and sometimes years apart.

Let’s meet ourselves where we are. Have honest conversations with ourselves about where we need to grow, what we need to learn and what bias we need to unpack to be a better and higher version of ourselves.

In my training as a Metaphysical Practitioner and Minister I am called to challenge my own reaction to darkness. I am challenged to see the humanity behind the motive and the opportunity for healing in the center of chaos. My hypnosis training shows me that healing is always possible and we have the power to transform our subconscious. So my visions for healing the world is wide open and super optimistic.

It’s common in my Metaphysical circles to hear calls to “Rise Above” the negativity. It’s important to understand that “Rising Above” under the guides of Metaphysical teachings doesn’t give a pass to exclude ourselves from directly confronting that which is destructive to our humanity.

To me “Rising Above” means finding and fulfilling our purpose through our connection to Source so we can do that one thing with which we were entrusted. “Rising Above” means connecting to the revealing and honest Source energy so we can directly confront the versions of ourselves that contribute to the chaos in the world. To me “Rising Above” means rising above our egos so we can hear those who are being oppressed more than ourselves. And to me “Rising Above” means actively being a part of the collective healing by doing your one thing…

It also means sitting with the uncomfortableness of the darkness so we can understand it and find the lesson in the chaos.

We weren’t entrusted with our one thing to serve only ourselves. It’s a collective gift. And while we get to meet ourselves where we are, the collective push is to grow beyond ourselves for the collective good and healing.

When we all do the work to become better versions of ourselves, we heal our world. We are better equipped to see the opportunity in our differences and how we can put our individual pieces together to create collective wholeness for generations to come.

Love…

Pin It on Pinterest