Our first love relationship is with our biological mother.
When this relationship is imbalanced, it creates a Mother Wound that when left unhealed, can deeply and subconsciously affect your relationships, career, fertility, finances, parenting and health
What is a Mother Wound?
Our first love relationship is with our biological mom. It’s our earliest understanding of connection, trust, and commitment. The first time we will feel supported or abandoned. It’s how we learn to bond with others. It’s how we learn about boundaries or the lack of them. When this relationship is imbalanced, it creates a Mother Wound that, when left unhealed, can profoundly and subconsciously affect your relationships, friendships, career, finances, fertility, parenting, and health.
Most of these lessons are unconscious; beginning in the womb, the lessons lay in our body on a cellular level. Later in life, they show up as the framework for our relationships, friendships, career, fertility, parenting, and our understanding of money and abundance.
Pay Attention To Your Body
As you move forward in this article, if your relationship with mom was complicated, abusive, or toxic, pay special attention to how your body responds to this article. Allow yourself to feel what your body is saying. That reaction in your body is telling you that there may be a Mother Wound AND that healing is possible. Our bodies keep our deepest heartbreaks and also react when there is an opportunity to heal that heartbreak.
How do you make the connection between mom and the way that you show up in life now? Or, how does your relationship with mom affect the way you see life showing up for you?
“But, My Mom was my best friend.” This may be the most obscure Mother Wound, because there was never any doubt that she loved and protected you. But she may have loved you too close, suffocating you, keeping you so close that you are afraid to fly on your own. You might have a hard time defining your own life, boundaries, and space. It may be a challenge to clearly define what are mom’s ideas and what are yours. How has this followed you into other relationships in the same way?
If your relationship with your biological mom didn’t exist or wasn’t loving and supportive, you may feel insecure and needy in relationships. How often has this shown up in your romantic relationships by you unconsciously requiring your mate to fill the void left by your mom?
If mom abandoned you, you might subconsciously create circumstances in your life, career, friendships, etc., that leave you feeling abandoned over and over.
Do you lure love to you by unconsciously giving away too much of yourself?
If you had to tiptoe around mom’s feelings, do you find it challenging to set boundaries, say no, identify and express your needs, or put yourself first? Do you overly involve yourself in the care of others, often to your detriment?
If your relationship with mom left you feeling unworthy, not good enough or that you had to be perfect to be loved, do you also experience imposter syndrome in your professional life?
If mom was overly critical, do you find yourself in relationships with others as a people pleaser or the object of their criticism?
Where are the unconscious loyalties to mom playing out as you repeating the same unhealthy patterns as she? Do you choose the same kind of partner she chose? Do you have health issues like mom?
Do you reject mom? How is that very same thing you reject her for showing up in your life?
If you didn’t receive an abundance of love and support from mom, does this show up as you feeling like you never have enough money, clients, work, friends or always feel a sense of lack or an inability to trust your ability to provide for yourself?
Are your experiencing fertility issues that seem unexplainable to your doctors? It could be directly tied to your Mother Wound.
There are countless ways that your relationship with mom can show up in your adult life; Both in the affirming of our life force and the diminishing of it. We can own the affirming ways, those are easy to see. It’s the patterns that diminish or take life force away from us that often leave us feeling unable to show up to life in our fullness.
We Are Not Going To Blame Mom
This examination of our relationship with mom isn’t about blaming her. It’s about connecting the dots from how issues are currently manifesting in your life, back to its root. Often that root, isn’t even mom. It’s the way she was parented and the way that grandma was parented. It’s not personal as much as it is a systemic bird’s eye view into your family. The goal is never blame, but resolution and restoration.
The goal of my paradigm shifting series, Ending The Cycle of Your Mother Wound is to restore belonging, balance and order within the family system so that love and compassion can freely flow. It’s about healing and acknowledging, not blaming. It’s about restoring mom to her place as a mom, and you to your place as daughter or son.
It’s OK To Love Her
I want you to know that it is OK to love a mom that was hard to love. All daughters want to love their mothers.
It’s also understandable that to keep yourself emotionally, and sometimes physically safe, you stayed away from a mom who wounded you. But there will come a time when that weight gets too heavy, and you won’t want to carry it any longer. You will start to become intimately aware of where your Mother Wound keep showing up in other areas of your life.
And so, this is about telling you it’s ok to change your heart and hold her differently in it, no matter how your relationship outwardly manifests.
It is also not about ignoring or excusing the real-life pain you hold within your Mother Wound. This work is about taking your power back, facing that pain, moving it out of your body, nurturing the little girl in you and creating your own space in the world. It’s time to stop being the wounded little girl, holding the expectation that mom will suddenly give you what she is not capable of giving.
When you heal your Mother Wound, it creates within you, the ability to allow Mom to love you in the ways she can. You stop being hurt and angry with her and you start to meet her where she is.
Repairing your relationship with mom, even if it only means holding her differently in your heart, could create a massive shift in your life.
What does your Mother’s Mother Wound look like?
What does it feel like in your body to consider that perhaps your mom came to motherhood with her own set of experiences, trauma, etc. and may not have been equipped to give you all that you needed?
How would the way you feel about your mom shift if you chose to see her as an individual woman, outside of motherhood, who wasn’t equipped to give you what you needed? Was she a woman who came to motherhood with unhealed trauma of her own? What if you could see her standing before you, holding her unhealed wounds, still bleeding?
Would it shift how you held her in your heart? Would it help you lay down your judgment, anger, and rejection of her? Would that image open your heart a little to a bridge of compassion between the two of you?
Sometimes, our moms aren’t healthy enough to have in our lives and we have to create physical distance. But how we hold mom in our heart is always our job.
If you had an especially hard childhood, this could be a challenging journey to walk. I know this from personal experience. It means figuring out what is yours and what belongs to mom. It means honoring her as your mom, if for nothing else because she gave you life.
It’s learning to be within your own body and understanding your core self and boundaries.
But it’s a journey that will free you to love yourself deeper, to choose relationships that are good for you, and to experience life in its fullness. It will help restore you as daughter and mom as mom. It will allow you to visualize and embody what a restored relationship feels like in your heart regardless of your outer manifestation of that relationship.
I encourage you to sit with this and be reflective. To see how and where, as an adult, your Mother Wound shows up in your life. Then ask yourself what needs to shift within you so that love and compassion can freely flow for your first love, your mom. And then ask yourself, how and where you need this shift in your life, relationships, career and relationship with money.
Your life will shift. There is a road forward.
A Way Forward
Self Paced Workbooks & Monthly Online Family Constellation
Your Body Holds Your Mother Wound is a guide to understanding the way your body holds both your Mother Wound AND your healing
Mapping Your Mother Wound is a self-paced guide to understanding the generational systems and entanglements that created your Mother Wound
Each month I host an online family constellation for those have purchased and are working through the Mapping Your Mother Wound workbook
This self- paced Mother Wound healing series may be for you if:
You are self aware
You approach healing from a holistic perspective
You have a basic understanding of the mind/body connection
You are actively healing from your childhood
You deeply want to resolve the unhealthy patterns and triggers within your relationship with your mother
You are open to a transformational experience that will challenge you to shift the inner relationship between you, your mother, and the stories you hold onto
Interested in One-on-One Sessions?
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